"Small talk" is casual conversation that people make with each other to be polite, build a relationship, pass the time, or just to avoid awkwardness. It's often focused on simple topics like the weather, the weekend, or each other's day.
This lesson can help you with some phrases and strategies for making small talk successfully in English. It's important to mention that small talk can be very different between cultures, with some cultures making small talk for a long time and often discussing personal topics like family. However, other cultures make very little small talk and avoid personal topics completely.
It will be important to know the rules of small talk in the local culture where you are. That being said, this lesson focuses on the basics of small talk and some helpful tips for successful small talk in Canada and United States.
Using "How" with the Be Verb
One simple way to make small talk is the combination of "how" with the be verb to either ask about a person or ask about a situation that has ended (the morning, the weekend, a meeting, etc.):
How are you? / How was your morning? / How was your weekend? / How was your meeting?
If someone asks you these questions, the appropriate response is with an adjective. It is also polite to add "thanks" or "thank you for asking" after you answer. Some common adjectives to respond with include:
good / pretty good / not too bad / fine / well / very well / pretty well
Note that you can use "pretty" with an adjective like "good" because there can be different grades or levels of "good". However, it is incorrect to say "pretty fine" or "pretty okay", because words like "fine" do not have different grades - something is either fine or it is not, so we cannot say "pretty fine".
The word "well" is an adjective to describe a person who is in good health, so you can answer the question "how are you?" by saying "well" or "I'm well, thanks."
Sample Dialogue
Person A: How was your morning?
Person B: Not too bad, thanks. How was yours?
Person A: Pretty good, thanks.
The Difference Between "Do" and "Go"
When the subject of the clause is a person, use the verb "do", such as "how are you doing?" or "how is your family doing?" However, when the subject is an event or situation, you need to use "go" instead of "do". So, if you are asking about someone's current day, you need to say "how is your day going?" It is incorrect to say "how is your weekend doing?"
How's it going? (correct) / How's it doing? (incorrect)
How's everything going? (correct) / How's everything doing? (incorrect)
How did your weekend go? (correct) / How did your weekend do? (incorrect)
How did your driving test go? (correct) / How did your test do? (incorrect)
If someone asks you about a situation or event in your life, you can answer with the verb "go" and an adverb like "well" because "well" is an adverb that can describe a verb like "go".
For example, if someone asks you "how did your weekend go?", you can respond by saying "it went well". Here are some other adverbs that you can use with "go":
It went....well / really well / pretty well / not bad / okay / fine
Remember that "fine" and "okay" do not have grades of intensity, so you cannot say "very okay", "pretty okay", "very fine", or "pretty fine". You can only say just "okay" or "fine" by itself.
Sample Dialogue
Person A: "How did your meeting go?"
Person B: "Fine, thanks for asking."
Using Different Tenses in Questions
Present Simple = current states (usually answered with adjectives)
How are you? / How is everything?
Present Continuous = currently ongoing
How are you doing?
How's it going? / How's your day going? / How's the project going?
Present Perfect = from the last time you saw each other until now
How have you been? / How have you been doing?
How's the project been going? / How has your new job been going?
Past Simple = something that finished
How was your weekend? / How was your vacation?
How did your trip go? / How did your job interview go?
Sample Dialogue
Person A: Hi, how have you been? I don't think I've seen you in a few weeks!
Person B: Pretty well thanks. I was on vacation.
Person A: Oh nice! How did your vacation go?
Person B: Very well. We had a lot of fun. How have you been doing?
Person A: No complaints. Mostly the same old stuff.
Person B: I remember that you told me about a new project before my vacation. How is it going?
Person A: It's going okay, thanks for asking.
Appropriate Topics to Make Small Talk
Their Day = how's your day going? / are you having a good day? / busy day? / any big plans today?
An Event = how was your party? / how did your exam go? / how is your English course going?
Weather = nice day today, isn't it? / not great weather out there, is it? / is it still nice outside?
Past Weekend = how was your weekend? / did you have a nice weekend? / did you do anything on the weekend?
Future Weekend = any plans for the weekend? / ready for the weekend?
Vacation = do you have any vacation coming up? / are you going to take time off this summer?
Family = how's the family? / is your family doing well? / how's everyone doing at home? (these are more suitable if you already know someone)
Small Talk Rules in Canada and United States
Tip 1: Try To Make Small Talk!
You should try to make small talk with someone that you are familiar with when you are stuck in the same space as them, such as an elevator or at the same table during a party. It would be rude to ignore the person that is obviously in that same space as you, so just a friendly "hello" or "how is your day going?" is a good idea.
If you don't know the person, it will depend on what their body language is telling you. If they are busy doing something like looking at something on their phone, it's better not to interrupt them. However, if they are just looking around, a comment to break the ice would be nice.
Tip 2: Know What To Talk About
People often struggle with what to say during small talk. The first option is a question, as you have seen in the examples throughout this lesson. Here are some other options to start conversation:
Something you notice about the person: "Is that a mystery novel? What's it about?"
Something in common: "I heard that you went to Victoria College too. I was there back in 2010."
A funny recent experience: "The funniest thing happened to me this morning...."
An observation: "Did you notice that they are opening a new pharmacy in the lobby?"
A recommendation: "Have you tried that new sushi restaurant across from the subway station?"
Something in the news or pop culture: "Did you hear that they're making a new movie about...?"
Upcoming events: "Do you have any plans for Christmas?"
Tip 3: Be Curious
One of the best ways to keep small talk going is to be curious about what the other person is telling you. Even if you think it's boring, pretend to be curious and ask follow-up questions to get more details about what they have said. For example, if someone tells you that their weekend was busy because they are doing some renovations around their house, ask them questions about what kind of renovations they are doing.
Tip 4: Don't Get Too Personal Too Quickly
Don't ask about personal topics too quickly, as this might seem "nosy". You want to ensure that you have a level of trust with someone before you ask them about their partner or kids, for example. It can be friendly to show interest in someone's family but too soon can make some people feel uncomfortable. Asking about someone's job or profession is okay if it seems natural to do so, but don't just ask them randomly out of nowhere.
Tip 5: Balance Between Asking and Answering
People generally like to talk about themselves, so asking questions (that are not too personal) is a good idea. It shows that you are interested in other people more than just talking about yourself. However, if you just continuously ask question after question, it can feel a bit like an interrogation. Some people who are uncomfortable with silence ask questions repeatedly to try and keep the conversation going but then it seems like an interview to the other person. Instead, occasionally make a comment about yourself or allow the other person to ask a question back to you.
Practice
Think of what you might say in the following situations:
You see your coworker in the elevator in the middle of the day.
You see your coworker on Monday morning.
You see your coworker on Friday afternoon.
You see your coworker who is taking an art class these days.
You see your coworker for the first time after two months.
You see your coworker who had to do a big presentation yesterday.
You see your coworker and want to break the ice. You think that vacation is a good topic.
You see your coworker and want to break the ice. You know that their birthday is coming up soon.
You see your coworker and want to break the ice. You heard in the news that a big storm is coming.
You see your coworker and want to break the ice. You know that he/she likes tennis (so do you).
Possible Answers
How is your day going? / Are you having a good day? / Busy day? / Any big plans today?
How was your weekend? / Did you have a nice weekend / Did you do anything on the weekend?
Any plans for the weekend? / Ready for the weekend?
How's your art class going? / How has your art class been going?
How have you been? / How have you been doing?
How was your presentation? / How did your presentation go?
Do you have any vacation coming up? / Are you going to take any time off for vacation?
Do you have any plans for your birthday?
Did you hear that a big storm is coming this weekend? It's going to rain a lot.
I heard that you like tennis. Me too! Do you play it or just watch?
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